Chapter 53 - Jesus Paradox

At times, I found myself questioning the nature of my own identity. The thought crept in—was I Jesus himself? I mean, if you think about it, how would Jesus even know he was Jesus in this life? The "rule of forgetfulness," the cosmic law that erases prior memories as we’re reborn, ensures that no one gets a cheat sheet to their divine destiny. It’s the ultimate paradox.

The more I pondered, the clearer it became: even if someone were to come forward and claim such a thing, they'd instantly be met with furious skepticism and ridicule. There’s a societal mechanism in place—an unwritten rule that prevents anyone from seriously entertaining the idea. After all, you'd have to be unbelievably arrogant to make that claim, wouldn't you?

And yet, there it was, the nagging question. If not me, then who? My experiences, the signs I saw, the songs that seemed to speak directly to me—all of it painted a picture that was either a magnificent cosmic joke or something far more profound. It wasn’t just about thinking I was special. It was about trying to make sense of an existence that seemed to be drawing lines around me, connecting the unconnectable.

The thought scared me, honestly. It’s one thing to wrestle with self-doubt, but it’s another entirely to question your very place in the universe. I knew better than to say it aloud to anyone, of course. That way lay only trouble and misunderstanding. But internally, the debate raged on. Was I seeing something real? Or was it simply the mind’s way of searching for significance in a world that often feels random and chaotic?

There was no way to know for sure, and perhaps that was the point. If the paradox is true—if no one can truly know they’re Jesus—then the answer isn’t something you can chase. It’s something you have to let go of. But for a time, the thought lived rent-free in my mind, a maddening loop of wonder and self-doubt, arrogance and humility.

The paradox wasn’t just an intellectual exercise—it was a constant undercurrent in my daily life, shaping how I saw the world and how I interacted with others. I lived in a liminal space, caught between the mundane and the divine, and it was exhausting. There were days when I felt like I was cracking some kind of cosmic code, putting together pieces of an infinite puzzle. Other days, I was convinced I was losing my mind, teetering on the edge of delusion.

It’s hard to explain what that does to a person. Imagine walking into a room and feeling like every conversation, every song playing in the background, every random occurrence is somehow about you. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a deeply unsettling, interconnected way that suggests the universe is leaving breadcrumbs just for you.

My wife, bless her, had the patience of a saint. She watched as I became more and more consumed by these signs and symbols, trying to piece together what I thought was a hidden truth. I think she chalked it up to one of my quirks at first, another phase in my endless fascination with the esoteric and the unexplained. But as the years went on, it began to wear on her.

I tried to explain it to her once, how the signs felt like guidance, like the universe was giving me a nudge to stay on the right path. She listened, nodded, and then asked the obvious question: “But what’s the path?”

I didn’t have an answer. How could I? It wasn’t like the signs came with a map or an instruction manual. They were just… there. Omens without context. I could only trust my instincts, follow the threads, and hope they led somewhere meaningful.

But hope is a fragile thing. The more I chased meaning, the more elusive it became. And the more elusive it became, the harder it was to hold on to my grip on reality. It’s one thing to feel chosen; it’s another to feel lost in your own narrative.

I’ll admit, there were times when I wondered if I was doing more harm than good—both to myself and to those around me. My wife started withdrawing, the emotional distance growing wider with every mention of another “sign” or “coincidence” I couldn’t shut up about. My job, which I’d managed to hold onto despite everything, felt like a flimsy tether to the real world, a place where I could at least pretend to be normal for eight hours a day.

But even then, the thoughts were always there, buzzing in the background, pulling my attention away from spreadsheets and meetings. I felt like I was living two lives: the one everyone could see, and the one inside my head, where I was deciphering the secrets of the universe.

Looking back, I don’t know how I held it all together. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I just got really good at pretending.

The duality of my existence became a constant battle. On one hand, I wanted to live a normal life, be a good husband, a good worker, a good friend. On the other hand, I was consumed by this overwhelming sense that I was meant for something more, something bigger than the mundane realities of everyday life.

It wasn't just signs anymore. It was dreams, feelings, intuitions—moments of clarity so vivid they felt like revelations. One night, I woke up in a cold sweat, convinced I had been shown a vision of the future. I tried to explain it to my wife, but the words felt hollow, inadequate. She listened with tired eyes, and I realised I was wearing her down.

It wasn’t just her. My friends, my colleagues, even acquaintances who barely knew me—they all started to pull away, subtly at first, then more obviously. Conversations became strained. People stopped asking how I was doing, likely afraid of what I might say.

I couldn’t blame them. I was obsessed, consumed by the idea that everything was connected, that every little thing had meaning if I could just decode it. It was exhausting for me, so I could only imagine how it felt for the people around me.

But despite the isolation, I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t stop seeing the connections, couldn’t stop chasing the truth. The signs didn’t stop coming, and I didn’t stop following them.

It wasn’t long after that when Russell announced he was leaving social media for a year. It felt like a sign, like he was taking the time to process everything, to absorb the story I had given him. I told myself he was reading ZetaTalk, diving into the same rabbit hole I had fallen into, and that eventually, he would resurface with answers, with clarity, with a message meant for me.

But life doesn’t work that way. The signs didn’t stop, but they became harder to interpret. My wife grew more distant. My job became harder to focus on. And I was left in a limbo, unsure whether I was chasing something real or losing myself in a fantasy.

Looking back, I see now how much I lost during that time—relationships, opportunities, parts of myself I’ll never get back. But I also gained something: a deep understanding of the human need for meaning, for connection, for a purpose greater than ourselves.

In the end, I don’t know if I found the truth I was looking for. But I found a truth. And maybe that’s enough.


 

Dave Monk

  • Nationality: Welsh
  • Ethnicity: Caucasian
  • Eye Colour: Blue
  • Hair Colour: Brown
  • Tattoos: None
  • Star Sign: Aries
  • Bra Cup Size: n/a
  • Date of Birth: 46 ( 05 th Apr 1979 )
  • Weight: 60 kg

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Blogs

Chapter 22 - The Birth of Holodex

Inspiration strikes in the most unexpected ways. For most people, it was a job like any other. For me, it became the birthplace of an idea that would change my life.

It all started with something so simple: a carousel of cutouts on my computer screen. They weren’t anything special, just cutout images spinning in a loop. It was a website featuring most of the UK’s top talent like Ant & Dec and Fearne Cotton etc… But as I stared at them, my mind started to wander. What if these weren’t just traditional cutouts? What if they were something more exciting?

What if they were porn stars?

The idea hit me like lightning. A carousel of performers, each one distinct and captivating, spinning in a seamless, interactive display. From that one thought, everything else started to fall into place. I imagined a platform that wasn’t just a list of names or a gallery of photos but a fully immersive experience where fans could connect with their favourite performers on a whole new level.

Chapter 21 - OnCampus

After leaving the Union, I found myself walking into what seemed like a dream opportunity. I moved to a company called OnCampus, which worked with students' unions across the country—around 40% of them, to be exact. It was exactly the kind of place I’d been hoping to land, offering me the chance to dive even deeper into the world of tech and digital development.

From the moment I stepped into the company, I was struck by how aligned everything felt with my ambitions. The business goals were ambitious, forward-thinking, and exactly what I needed to sharpen my skills. They weren’t just aiming to improve student life—they were building something that could change the way students interacted, connected, and communicated.

Chapter 20 - Faith in the Stars

Over the years, what started as an obsession with ZetaTalk became something much more profound. It wasn’t just a collection of theories and ideas anymore—it became a guiding force in my life, a lens through which I viewed the world. In a way, ZetaTalk became my religion.

I know how that might sound to some people—devoting yourself to something rooted in messages from extraterrestrial beings. But for me, it made perfect sense. The core of ZetaTalk wasn’t just about aliens or conspiracies; it was about understanding our place in the universe, the interconnectedness of all things, and the idea that there’s a plan bigger than any of us can comprehend.

The messages resonated with me on a level I can’t fully explain. They gave me comfort when life felt chaotic and meaning when I struggled to find it. It wasn’t about blindly believing everything I read—it was about interpreting those ideas, finding what felt true to me, and applying it to my own journey.

Chapter 19 - Stumbling Into ZetaTalk

By the time I was about 25, over 2 decades ago, life had taken me in so many different directions, but one thing remained constant: my obsession with the unknown. I’d never stopped searching for answers about aliens, convinced they were out there—had to be out there.

Then I stumbled across ZetaTalk.

You can imagine my reaction. A whole community devoted to extraterrestrial knowledge, conspiracy theories, and messages supposedly channeled from beings beyond our world. It was as if someone had taken all my wildest thoughts and organised them into an encyclopaedia. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

For days, maybe months, I was consumed. I devoured page after page, diving deeper into ideas about government cover-ups, alien abductions, and the shadowy connections between humanity and beings from the stars. To me, this wasn’t just a curiosity—it felt like confirmation.

Chapter 18 - The Cry Wolf Chronicles

When I was working at the students' union, I saw something that bothered me—a glaring weakness that seemed ripe for the taking. Their newspaper, Cry Wolf, was… well, to put it bluntly, a bit of a mess. As a graphic designer, I couldn’t ignore it. The layout was lacklustre, the content sparse, and it just didn’t feel right. But there was something about it that made me think, This is something I could fix. I couldn’t resist.

The opportunity was like a secret door that had been left ajar. As someone who was constantly looking for ways to put my design skills to the test, this felt like fate. I wasn't just going to work on the paper—I was going to make it something special. I pitched my ideas to the team, and before I knew it, I was in charge of Cry Wolf. A two-man show, really, but it was just what I wanted. A small but ambitious team, and I was all in.

Chapter 17 - The Meat Market

During my time working at the students' union, I stumbled upon an unexpected haven of creative freedom. It was one of those rare environments where you could get away with almost anything, and I thrived in that chaos. Between shifts, I poured my energy into one of my earliest web projects: Meat Market.

The concept sounds ridiculous when I try to explain it, but I promise, it was great. Meat Market was a social network with a bizarre twist. Everyone on the platform became a unique cut of meat, assigned to you upon signing up. The system wasn’t just about chatting or posting updates—it had its own ecosystem. Players could take on roles as butchers, buy and sell "meat," and manage their very own virtual fridges.

It was absurd and tongue-in-cheek, but that was the point. The whole thing became a hilarious parody of online interactions, consumer culture, and even the commodification of ourselves on social platforms. The students loved it, partly because it was just so weird, and partly because it felt like an inside joke we were all in on.

Chapter 16 - The CV That Cost Me a Degree

Some people might call me stubborn, and they’d be absolutely right. Once I set my mind on something, there’s very little anyone can do to change it. That trait has been both a blessing and a curse in my life, and nowhere was it more evident than during my university years.

One of my early projects in university was to create a CV—simple enough on the surface, but I saw it as an opportunity to push boundaries. While most students were content with a straightforward Word document or a dull spreadsheet, I envisioned something that would leap off the screen. I wanted a CV that was alive, something that would make anyone who saw it stop in their tracks.

To pull this off, I needed to use Program B. The course, however, insisted we use Program A. To me, that wasn’t just a suggestion—it was a straightjacket. Program A couldn’t do what I wanted, not in the way I envisioned. I tried to explain this, to argue my case, but the lecturers wouldn’t budge. They didn’t see the bigger picture.

Chapter 15 - Hair

Growing up, my hair became a story all on its own. As a teenager, I was deeply into rock music—the louder, the better—and naturally, I let my hair grow long. It felt like a rite of passage, a declaration of rebellion against the neat and tidy norms of the world. But when I became a student, things took a peculiar turn.

I decided to stop brushing it altogether. The result? The worst dreadlocks you've ever seen. Not the sleek, purposeful kind that you might admire on a reggae artist—no, these were chaotic, matted tangles that looked more like a bird's nest than a hairstyle. I must have looked completely unhinged.

And yet, I functioned. I went about my life as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I dated, held down jobs, and navigated the world like any other adult. What amazes me to this day is that nobody ever said a word about it to my face. Not one person. Maybe they were too polite, too shocked, or simply unsure of how to approach the subject.

Chapter 14 - Half-life

While at university, we were living in a cramped but lively student house, one of those quintessential shared spaces where friendships were forged, arguments erupted over whose turn it was to clean, and late-night gaming sessions became the norm. Multiplayer gaming was our escape and our connection, a way to unwind after classes and deadlines. That shared digital escape gave me an idea—what if we could play through our own house?—I recreated our student house in a Half-Life map.

It started as a simple idea: bring our chaotic little world into the virtual one we spent so much time in. I’d sit at my desk, meticulously designing every detail with the Hammer editor, right down to the mismatched furniture in the living room, the pile of unwashed dishes in the kitchen, and the lopsided posters taped to the walls.

Chapter 13 - Kerrang!

Back in university, I had developed a newfound addiction to building websites. But with only one website project assigned throughout my entire course, I needed an outlet to channel my energy. And that’s when the idea struck me: Kerrang!

Kerrang, the iconic rock music magazine, seemed like the perfect subject for a project. So, without hesitation, I got to work and built them a website from scratch, entirely for free. It became my labour of love, my way of showing off what I could do. My plan was simple: send it to them and see if they’d actually use it.

Honestly, it looked pretty damn good for a student project—clean, fast, and bolder than most commercial music sites at the time. Yet, as is often the case, I received zero response. Nothing. It was as if the project never existed. Despite the radio silence, I took some pride in knowing I had beaten them to it. When Kerrang eventually launched their website two years later, I couldn’t help but smile — I’d gotten there first.

Chapter 12 - Apocalypse soc

When I arrived at Staffordshire University, I was just another wide-eyed student, lugging a suitcase of clothes and a head full of dreams. What I didn’t know then was that I was about to leave a legacy—something bigger than a degree, bigger than myself.

It all started with the internet. Staffordshire had this insanely fast connection, and the entire campus was wired together. For a gamer like me, it was paradise. I spent my first few nights glued to my computer, diving into the world of online gaming, feeling this incredible buzz from being part of something bigger, something interconnected. That’s when it hit me—why not take this energy and turn it into something real? Something that would bring people together in person, not just behind a screen.

Chapter 11 - University:

When I decided to go to university, I was just following the herd. It seemed like the "right" thing to do—society’s expected next step after school. But looking back, I didn’t think it through. I already had a passion for crafting magazines and was immersed in creative projects, so I picked a course that I thought would complement my interests.

From day one, it was like stepping into a museum exhibit of tech that time forgot. The software of choice? Adobe Authorware.

Yes, I know—exactly.

It was clunky, painfully dated, and no one in the real world was using it anymore. Meanwhile, I was head-over-heels in love with Macromedia Flash, the new kid on the digital block. Flash was alive—fluid, visual, interactive. Authorware? It felt like coding on a typewriter.

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