Chapter 53 - Jesus Paradox

At times, I found myself questioning the nature of my own identity. The thought crept in—was I Jesus himself? I mean, if you think about it, how would Jesus even know he was Jesus in this life? The "rule of forgetfulness," the cosmic law that erases prior memories as we’re reborn, ensures that no one gets a cheat sheet to their divine destiny. It’s the ultimate paradox.

The more I pondered, the clearer it became: even if someone were to come forward and claim such a thing, they'd instantly be met with furious skepticism and ridicule. There’s a societal mechanism in place—an unwritten rule that prevents anyone from seriously entertaining the idea. After all, you'd have to be unbelievably arrogant to make that claim, wouldn't you?

And yet, there it was, the nagging question. If not me, then who? My experiences, the signs I saw, the songs that seemed to speak directly to me—all of it painted a picture that was either a magnificent cosmic joke or something far more profound. It wasn’t just about thinking I was special. It was about trying to make sense of an existence that seemed to be drawing lines around me, connecting the unconnectable.

The thought scared me, honestly. It’s one thing to wrestle with self-doubt, but it’s another entirely to question your very place in the universe. I knew better than to say it aloud to anyone, of course. That way lay only trouble and misunderstanding. But internally, the debate raged on. Was I seeing something real? Or was it simply the mind’s way of searching for significance in a world that often feels random and chaotic?

There was no way to know for sure, and perhaps that was the point. If the paradox is true—if no one can truly know they’re Jesus—then the answer isn’t something you can chase. It’s something you have to let go of. But for a time, the thought lived rent-free in my mind, a maddening loop of wonder and self-doubt, arrogance and humility.

The paradox wasn’t just an intellectual exercise—it was a constant undercurrent in my daily life, shaping how I saw the world and how I interacted with others. I lived in a liminal space, caught between the mundane and the divine, and it was exhausting. There were days when I felt like I was cracking some kind of cosmic code, putting together pieces of an infinite puzzle. Other days, I was convinced I was losing my mind, teetering on the edge of delusion.

It’s hard to explain what that does to a person. Imagine walking into a room and feeling like every conversation, every song playing in the background, every random occurrence is somehow about you. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a deeply unsettling, interconnected way that suggests the universe is leaving breadcrumbs just for you.

My wife, bless her, had the patience of a saint. She watched as I became more and more consumed by these signs and symbols, trying to piece together what I thought was a hidden truth. I think she chalked it up to one of my quirks at first, another phase in my endless fascination with the esoteric and the unexplained. But as the years went on, it began to wear on her.

I tried to explain it to her once, how the signs felt like guidance, like the universe was giving me a nudge to stay on the right path. She listened, nodded, and then asked the obvious question: “But what’s the path?”

I didn’t have an answer. How could I? It wasn’t like the signs came with a map or an instruction manual. They were just… there. Omens without context. I could only trust my instincts, follow the threads, and hope they led somewhere meaningful.

But hope is a fragile thing. The more I chased meaning, the more elusive it became. And the more elusive it became, the harder it was to hold on to my grip on reality. It’s one thing to feel chosen; it’s another to feel lost in your own narrative.

I’ll admit, there were times when I wondered if I was doing more harm than good—both to myself and to those around me. My wife started withdrawing, the emotional distance growing wider with every mention of another “sign” or “coincidence” I couldn’t shut up about. My job, which I’d managed to hold onto despite everything, felt like a flimsy tether to the real world, a place where I could at least pretend to be normal for eight hours a day.

But even then, the thoughts were always there, buzzing in the background, pulling my attention away from spreadsheets and meetings. I felt like I was living two lives: the one everyone could see, and the one inside my head, where I was deciphering the secrets of the universe.

Looking back, I don’t know how I held it all together. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I just got really good at pretending.

The duality of my existence became a constant battle. On one hand, I wanted to live a normal life, be a good husband, a good worker, a good friend. On the other hand, I was consumed by this overwhelming sense that I was meant for something more, something bigger than the mundane realities of everyday life.

It wasn't just signs anymore. It was dreams, feelings, intuitions—moments of clarity so vivid they felt like revelations. One night, I woke up in a cold sweat, convinced I had been shown a vision of the future. I tried to explain it to my wife, but the words felt hollow, inadequate. She listened with tired eyes, and I realised I was wearing her down.

It wasn’t just her. My friends, my colleagues, even acquaintances who barely knew me—they all started to pull away, subtly at first, then more obviously. Conversations became strained. People stopped asking how I was doing, likely afraid of what I might say.

I couldn’t blame them. I was obsessed, consumed by the idea that everything was connected, that every little thing had meaning if I could just decode it. It was exhausting for me, so I could only imagine how it felt for the people around me.

But despite the isolation, I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t stop seeing the connections, couldn’t stop chasing the truth. The signs didn’t stop coming, and I didn’t stop following them.

It wasn’t long after that when Russell announced he was leaving social media for a year. It felt like a sign, like he was taking the time to process everything, to absorb the story I had given him. I told myself he was reading ZetaTalk, diving into the same rabbit hole I had fallen into, and that eventually, he would resurface with answers, with clarity, with a message meant for me.

But life doesn’t work that way. The signs didn’t stop, but they became harder to interpret. My wife grew more distant. My job became harder to focus on. And I was left in a limbo, unsure whether I was chasing something real or losing myself in a fantasy.

Looking back, I see now how much I lost during that time—relationships, opportunities, parts of myself I’ll never get back. But I also gained something: a deep understanding of the human need for meaning, for connection, for a purpose greater than ourselves.

In the end, I don’t know if I found the truth I was looking for. But I found a truth. And maybe that’s enough.


 

Dave Monk

  • Nationality: Welsh
  • Ethnicity: Caucasian
  • Eye Colour: Blue
  • Hair Colour: Brown
  • Tattoos: None
  • Star Sign: Aries
  • Bra Cup Size: n/a
  • Date of Birth: 46 ( 05 th Apr 1979 )
  • Weight: 60 kg

WARNING -


Are you 18 or older?

This site contains adult material not suitable for anyone under the age of 18 years old. Explicit images and descriptions are prevalent throughout the website. If you are offended or unable to view this material, please choose the "NO" button or simply go to another web address.

Blogs

Chapter 46 - The Software, The Saboteur, and the UFO Rabbit Hole

Working as an Eskimo—a term we jokingly used for our team in the frigid workplace atmosphere—was always an exercise in endurance. Yet, amidst the daily grind, there were moments of unexpected brilliance, like when Andrey, the Holodex developer, dropped a bombshell.

Andrey was no ordinary coder. His brain was a labyrinth of algorithms and innovative ideas, and his work was nothing short of magic. For six painstaking months, he had poured his soul into creating Koworkit, a software platform that felt like the perfect marriage of functionality and simplicity. It was exactly what we needed to revolutionise how we operated.

One day, out of the blue, he turned to me and said, “Here. I want you to have 50%.”

I was stunned. People don’t just hand you half of something they’ve bled over—especially not something as promising as Koworkit. I felt a mix of gratitude and disbelief. “Are you sure?” I asked, holding back the urge to pinch myself.

Chapter 45 - Holodexxx

Things took an even darker turn in 2016 when an unexpected email landed in my inbox. It was from a Holodex fan, asking about our “new VR technology.”

New VR technology? This was news to me. Intrigued and slightly alarmed, I dug deeper, only to be presented with an article in Vice magazine. There it was: Holodex VR. The name, the concept—it was everything I had dreamed of, the kind of groundbreaking innovation that had lived rent-free in my head for years. And the Vice article? The kind of glowing publicity I’d spent sleepless nights chasing.

But this wasn’t my doing. I had no part in it. Somehow, my vision had materialised without me.

Then the penny dropped: Derek. It was glaringly obvious who was behind this. He had taken the Holodex name and leveraged it for his own initiative, using his roster of performers to populate the platform. It wasn’t just a betrayal of trust—it was a knife to the gut, a bitter reminder of how easily ideas can be stolen, twisted, and executed by those with more resources and fewer scruples.

Chapter 44 - Sky Response

Around Christmas one year, something incredible happened—something that still feels surreal when I think about it. It started innocently enough: Lee, my boss, sent out an email asking everyone to share their personal highlight of the year. For most people, this was probably a routine task, but not for me. Without hesitation, I wrote, "Seeing spaceships for real." It was a bold move, sure, but it felt like the right thing to say. I hit send, feeling strangely liberated.

I was in the office when I sent the email, sitting quietly at my desk as others wrapped up their work. Soon, it was time to go home, and nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. As I stepped outside, I glanced up—and there they were.

The sky was overcast, thick with clouds, but through that haze, an arrangement of UFOs appeared, moving together in a perfect, deliberate formation. My heart raced, not with fear but with awe. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them, but this felt different. It felt... personal.

Chapter 43 - When Holodex Fell Into the Void

In 2015, the fate of Holodex took a dramatic turn. The site went down, and I can only assume Derek thought I was rolling in cash, refusing to share the wealth. If that were the case, surely the shutdown would have sent a clear message: there was no fortune to be had, just a dream struggling to stay afloat.

But why did it all come crashing down? The truth is, I was grappling with a whirlwind of personal upheaval. My mind was still reeling from an unforgettable UFO sighting—an experience that shattered my perception of reality and left me questioning everything. On top of that, I’d recently undergone a QHHT (Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique) session that blew my mind even further. And I walked away with something else too—an unsettling sense of purpose and paranoia.

I started to wonder: was working on porn-related projects like Holodex a mistake? Did I have some greater role, a mission even, to share the message of ZetaTalk with a wider audience? It felt like the universe was pointing me in a new direction, challenging me to rethink my path.

Chapter 42 - The Colleague Who Wouldn’t Read

Sharing my confessional story felt like exposing my soul to the world—a risky but necessary endeavour. I handed copies to colleagues, some of whom I trusted, others I simply wanted to see the person behind the pages. Most responded warmly, offering kind words or thoughtful critiques. But there was one who stood out, not for what he said, but for what he didn’t.

I’ll call him Greg. Greg was younger and louder, always acting like he ran the place despite a decade less experience. If I suggested blue, he’d shout red from the rooftops. If I worked late, he’d show up early, making sure everyone noticed.

When I handed him a copy of my book, his reaction was immediate and dismissive. He gave the cover a cursory glance and said, “You didn’t mention me in here, did you?”

I was caught off guard. “No, Greg, it’s not about you. It’s about my life and the things I’ve been through.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ll give it a read when you decide to write something more… inclusive,” he said with a smirk, tossing the book onto his desk like it was a piece of junk mail.

Chapter 41 - Full Circle

The encounter in the park reignited a part of me that had been dormant for years—a desire to connect with the mysteries of the universe and share them with the world. In many ways, it felt like life was guiding me back to the passions of my childhood, but this time with the tools, experiences, and wisdom I’d accumulated over the years.

One of the most profound ways this manifested was through my collaboration with Nancy Lieder, the mind behind ZetaTalk. Nancy had always been a source of inspiration to me, her work aligning perfectly with my own fascination with extraterrestrial life. Her teachings about the universe, humanity’s place within it, and the role of extraterrestrial beings deeply resonated with me. So, when the opportunity arose to work with her, it felt like destiny.

Together, we created The Moon, a newspaper dedicated to ZetaTalk and its insights. It wasn’t just a project—it was a labor of love, a way to channel my lifelong interest in aliens and the unknown into something tangible.

Chapter 40 - The Encounter

After returning to London, life felt like a blur of responsibilities, projects, and rebuilding. But on June 7th, 2014, everything changed. That day, in a quiet park, I had a life-changing experience that forever altered how I viewed the world and my place in it.

It started as an ordinary day, nothing particularly remarkable about the weather or my mood. I’d gone to the park to clear my head, as I often did when life felt overwhelming. The open sky, the distant hum of city life, the laughter of strangers—it was grounding. Little did I know, this serene setting would soon become the backdrop for something extraordinary.

It began subtly, almost imperceptibly at first—a strange glimmer in the sky. I thought it might have been sunlight catching on a plane or a bird. But as I focused, I realised it wasn’t just one object; there were many.

Over 50 UFOs.

Chapter 39 - After my QHHT Session

I'm not sure I can put into words how magical it was. At the start of the session, I remember lying there with a quiet skepticism, wondering if this was all in my head. It felt awkward at first, like trying to force a conversation with someone you’ve just met. I questioned everything—Was this real? Was I just imagining things? But about ten minutes in, something shifted.

I felt myself drift further and further, like falling into the softest, most reassuring dream. Suddenly, it wasn’t just me lying there anymore. It was as though I’d tapped into a source so vast and so profound, I could barely comprehend it. It felt like God—or something infinitely wise—was speaking directly through me, using my voice but not my mind. It was as if ChatGPT-level intelligence had come to life inside me, giving me answers to questions.

Chapter 38 - Meeting Dolores

By 2014, life had felt like a whirlwind—moments of triumph mixed with setbacks that seemed almost impossible to navigate. And yet, on my birthday that year, I stumbled upon something that would profoundly impact my life: a woman named Dolores Cannon.

I’ll admit it—I’ve always had a knack for finding wisdom in unexpected places, especially from extraordinary older women. Dolores wasn’t just a curiosity—she was a revelation. Her work in Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT) opened a door to a world I hadn’t considered before, but that felt strangely familiar.

Dolores’s sessions weren’t about typical therapy or even conventional healing. They delved into the subconscious mind and explored the mysteries of past lives and the soul’s journey. The more I read about her methods, the more I knew I had to try it. It felt like she was speaking directly to a part of me that had always been searching for something deeper—a connection to the universe, a purpose, a plan.

Chapter 37 - Volgograd

The morning of December 29th in Volgograd began like any other: the hum of early commuters, the rhythmic clatter of trains, and the crisp chill of winter in the air. My wife and I had planned to head to the railway station to buy our return tickets. It was supposed to be a simple errand. But true to form, I couldn’t peel myself off the mattress.

She had nudged me awake several times, frustration mounting with each attempt. "We need to go," she insisted, her tone a mix of urgency and exasperation.

"Five more minutes," I mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around me. Morning had never been my forte, and this was no exception.

Her glare was palpable, but she eventually gave up and sat by the window, arms crossed, waiting for me to stir. By the time I finally dragged myself out of bed, laziness had turned into procrastination. We decided we’d go later—what was the rush, anyway?

And that decision, as inconsequential as it seemed at the time, saved our lives.

Chapter 36 - Vic

She wasn’t just a friend—she was the first person who ever believed in Holodex. It started with a modest investment and a few early ideas, but even then, it felt like I had something real in my hands—something I was pushing toward with every bit of my energy. But as the project grew, so did the distance between me and the people I had once considered close.

Vic and I had been practically inseparable at one point. We shared countless nights, laughter, and ideas. We’d dreamed about the future together, imagining what could be. So when she made the decision to invest, no matter how small, it felt like validation. It felt like she believed in me. But then, everything started to change.

Chapter 35 - The Eskimo Years

Life doesn’t always unfold in the way we plan. After returning to the UK, broke and defeated, I found myself in an unexpected and challenging role that would ultimately play a pivotal part in rebuilding my career. I became an Eskimo. It was a digital agency with a quirky name that aged badly.

Not the traditional kind, of course—this was a job title that spoke to the responsibilities I took on. As an Eskimo, I managed not just one, but multiple major projects simultaneously. In a way, I had to juggle the complexity of running two distinct ticketing platforms, a role I’d secured against all odds.

To say it wasn’t easy would be an understatement. Managing two ticketing platforms was no small feat. These platforms weren’t just your average ticketing systems—they were large-scale, bustling hubs that required constant attention. They were complex, filled with thousands of transactions, customer inquiries, and constant updates. If anything went wrong, the entire system could implode in a second. The pressure was immense.

TEAM SKET
Please visit our sponsor