Dear Derek

Derek, it truly pains me to reflect on the way things unfolded between us. When I think back to our time together, it’s a confusing mix of emotions. You weren’t always the man who would betray me so deeply—at least, not on the surface. In fact, during the time we worked together, he could be incredibly generous.

As Holodex slowly began to take shape, it was clear the idea had potential—but potential doesn’t always pay the bills. Despite my best efforts, the page views weren’t high enough to generate significant income. Well, people just rarely pay for porn these days, so it was an uphill struggle. It felt like pushing a boulder uphill, and the weight of trying to make it all work was becoming harder to bear.

The day I walked into LA Direct and saw Louis Theroux standing in the spot I usually occupied, I nearly tripped over my own disbelief. There he was, in his unmistakable unassuming manner, quietly observing the chaos that surrounded Derek Hay’s world. Louis was clearly making one of his documentaries, likely delving into the controversial, fascinating lives connected to Derek's agency.