Chapter 72 - The Art of Staying Alive

As you’ve probably guessed, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. Being signed off work because of the psychological and physical battles I’ve faced has left me with more hours in the day than I sometimes know what to do with. At first, that time felt like a void—an endless stretch where my thoughts could spiral, pulling me back into the pain of everything I’ve endured. But over time, I discovered something incredible: the power of creativity to rebuild what life had taken from me.
Projects like Monk's Models and others have been my lifeline, my way of finding purpose when it felt like everything else had been stripped away. They weren’t just hobbies; they were a form of therapy. Writing scripts, generating music, producing episodes—all of it became a way to channel my experiences, process my emotions, and rediscover the parts of myself I thought were lost.
When you go through something as life-altering as I have, it’s easy to feel like you’re defined by your pain. That the incident—the incident—will overshadow everything else. For a long time, it did. The weight of what happened, both physically and emotionally, was almost too much to bear. But creating, even in small ways, helped me reclaim my identity.
These projects became my reason to wake up in the morning, my motivation to keep pushing forward. They reminded me that while I couldn’t change the past, I could shape my present—and maybe even my future.
And honestly? They’ve been a life saver.
Whether it’s been through storytelling, music, or experimenting with AI, these creative outlets have given me the years I needed to rebuild. They’ve helped me find joy in the little victories, pride in my accomplishments, and hope for what’s still to come.
I know I’m not the same person I was before the incident. But I’ve come to realise that’s okay. Through these projects, I’m rebuilding a version of myself that’s stronger, more resilient, and, most importantly, still capable of dreaming.
So while I might have too much time on my hands, I’m learning to use it wisely. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m truly living again and every line I write feels like patching another torn corner of the soul.