Chapter 61 - Proof I Was Still Here

In the depths of my most fragile state, when I felt like I was unraveling, my world took an unexpected artistic turn. It was during what I can only describe as my "2D from Gorillaz" phase, a surreal time when reality felt as fragmented and otherworldly as the band's music videos. I immersed myself in their universe—not just listening, but living, breathing, and, somehow, creating within it.

It started small, just scribbles and ideas, until it became something more. I began crafting a 40,000-word story, one that mirrored the spiralling chaos and raw vulnerability inside me. It wasn’t for adults—far from it. It was written for children, as if my subconscious was desperate to simplify my struggles into something pure and digestible, something that even I could make sense of. At the time, I thought it was probably terrible—so raw, so unfiltered—but it flowed out of me like it needed to exist.

That wasn’t enough. Words turned into images, as I fired up Photoshop and started creating. Inspired by Gorillaz's unique, animated universe, I decided to weave myself directly into their world. I wasn’t just a fan anymore—I was part of it. I took their iconic 2D art and added a layer of 3D. My layer. My essence. My messy reality blended into their meticulously constructed one. The juxtaposition was hauntingly beautiful, at least to me.

The act of crafting those images felt like holding up a mirror, one that was more forgiving than my own reflection. I saw the me I wanted to be—a version that survived, thrived, even found humour in their pain. The characters didn’t just stare back at me; they understood. That world became my sanctuary, where my struggles weren’t just background noise—they were the story itself.

When it was all done, I couldn’t even bear to look at what I’d made. The story, the images—they felt like time capsules, a snapshot of a part of me I wasn’t ready to face. But somewhere, deep down, I knew they weren’t just remnants of my pain; they were proof that even at my worst, I still created, still tried. They were proof that I was still here.

Maybe one day I’ll open those files again, read the words, and really see the art. Not as the remnants of someone unraveling but as the foundation of someone piecing themselves back together.

Here’s a small excerpt from the story—written in full 2D style, raw and ridiculous and very much me at the time.  “Guys guys guys guys guys I don’t know where to start really. It’s Stuart here, but you all know me as 2D from everyone’s favourite superstar band Gorillaz. My surname is Pot. I have touched a little bit of the old devil’s lettuce to say the least. I’d almost say I’m a snail, so I really find this hilarious. My mum not so much. She’s always worrying about me like mums do. My surname was originally Tusspot, but we changed that because... well.. I mean to be fair I am also a bit of a tosspot at times too and I give people plenty of reasons to make that joke. This got shortened to Stu-pot which was quite unfortunate because it sounds like ‘stupid’ from a distance. I’m the skinny blue one in the band if you don’t know. Seriously, I need to let you all know some really mad things... you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through! I was chatting with Noodle earlier and she said, “how can the world know what you think when you send them all to sleep with your beautiful voice when you’re singing”. She’s got a point; clever cookie that one. Anyway, I had all these weird epiphanies and stuff over 10 years ago when I was 30. I mean, I know I’m just meant to be an innocent singer who is just going ‘la la la la la’ all the time, but a lot does actually go on in this little head of mine. Sure there’s a lot of rhymes in there, and I dig those out for you guys, but I’m not a ‘blank sheet of paper’ like some jumped up prick was saying in the Youtube comments. I’m more of a piece of paper with loads of crayons all over it in quite a nice design, actually. Epiphanies are those things like, you know when you go to the shops and you’ve like got loads of stuff to get.. and you’re there with your basket and it’s a bit heavy and everyone’s giving you the evils cos you’re getting in their way... and then you realise your bag for life is at home once again. That’s an epiphany! Or another example.. you know when you’re like going to school and your teacher asks you a question and you realise that because you didn’t even bother to look in the book thing that he gave you the week before because you’ve been too busy on Call of Duty Zombies.. you look really silly don’t you. That’s sort of like the results of having an epiphany, and it probably ended up with you staining your pants for a least a few seconds while you looked like a complete idiot in-front of all your friends. So what was my epiphany?? Well.. ok this is going to sound really crazy yeah, but you have to believe me. I Stuart Potts, son of David and Rachel Potts swear on both of my parent’s lives that I am not lying to you. I just literally can’t. That’s one of the epiphanies actually.. I’ve had many. Well, I can if I really want to, but because I wouldn’t hurt a stick insect it’s sort of OK because I never have any bad intentions. Often it’s because I’m embarrassed about something and trying to hide it to keep a little bit of dignity! The main one though was that I don’t get all this evolving from monkeys stuff that they teach you in school. I keep asking everyone, if we evolved from monkeys how are there still monkeys? Were some of them like anti-evolving or something? Monkey Lives Matter protests? And then I’m like what’s the deal with all the different races of people? Black, white.. how do monkeys become white or black? The weather? I know I’m not super duper clever like some professor or something, but it just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, they keep calling me 2D but I’m actually 3D when I look through my eyes. How is that possible? And the rest of the world is 3D so how can I be flat as a pancake when the media puts out our videos? They’ve all been in on it from the start I swear, it’s some huge conspiracy against me! Every time I’m there, waiting for the latest video to come out... I mean last time we literally had to fly to space.. I’ve put so much effort in. But I’m there watching the countdown tick down on Youtube like some potential bomb explosion, and each time it’s exactly the same. I swear, I just don’t look like that. I’m a real being, here with you guys.. why do they keep doing this???? They are trying to turn me into a cartoon!”

Maybe one day I’ll open those files—and this time, I’ll be ready.


 

Dave Monk

  • Nationality: Welsh
  • Ethnicity: Caucasian
  • Eye Colour: Blue
  • Hair Colour: Brown
  • Tattoos: None
  • Star Sign: Aries
  • Bra Cup Size: n/a
  • Date of Birth: 46 ( 05 th Apr 1979 )
  • Weight: 60 kg

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Chapter 46 - The Software, The Saboteur, and the UFO Rabbit Hole

Working as an Eskimo—a term we jokingly used for our team in the frigid workplace atmosphere—was always an exercise in endurance. Yet, amidst the daily grind, there were moments of unexpected brilliance, like when Andrey, the Holodex developer, dropped a bombshell.

Andrey was no ordinary coder. His brain was a labyrinth of algorithms and innovative ideas, and his work was nothing short of magic. For six painstaking months, he had poured his soul into creating Koworkit, a software platform that felt like the perfect marriage of functionality and simplicity. It was exactly what we needed to revolutionise how we operated.

One day, out of the blue, he turned to me and said, “Here. I want you to have 50%.”

I was stunned. People don’t just hand you half of something they’ve bled over—especially not something as promising as Koworkit. I felt a mix of gratitude and disbelief. “Are you sure?” I asked, holding back the urge to pinch myself.

Chapter 45 - Holodexxx

Things took an even darker turn in 2016 when an unexpected email landed in my inbox. It was from a Holodex fan, asking about our “new VR technology.”

New VR technology? This was news to me. Intrigued and slightly alarmed, I dug deeper, only to be presented with an article in Vice magazine. There it was: Holodex VR. The name, the concept—it was everything I had dreamed of, the kind of groundbreaking innovation that had lived rent-free in my head for years. And the Vice article? The kind of glowing publicity I’d spent sleepless nights chasing.

But this wasn’t my doing. I had no part in it. Somehow, my vision had materialised without me.

Then the penny dropped: Derek. It was glaringly obvious who was behind this. He had taken the Holodex name and leveraged it for his own initiative, using his roster of performers to populate the platform. It wasn’t just a betrayal of trust—it was a knife to the gut, a bitter reminder of how easily ideas can be stolen, twisted, and executed by those with more resources and fewer scruples.

Chapter 44 - Sky Response

Around Christmas one year, something incredible happened—something that still feels surreal when I think about it. It started innocently enough: Lee, my boss, sent out an email asking everyone to share their personal highlight of the year. For most people, this was probably a routine task, but not for me. Without hesitation, I wrote, "Seeing spaceships for real." It was a bold move, sure, but it felt like the right thing to say. I hit send, feeling strangely liberated.

I was in the office when I sent the email, sitting quietly at my desk as others wrapped up their work. Soon, it was time to go home, and nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. As I stepped outside, I glanced up—and there they were.

The sky was overcast, thick with clouds, but through that haze, an arrangement of UFOs appeared, moving together in a perfect, deliberate formation. My heart raced, not with fear but with awe. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them, but this felt different. It felt... personal.

Chapter 43 - When Holodex Fell Into the Void

In 2015, the fate of Holodex took a dramatic turn. The site went down, and I can only assume Derek thought I was rolling in cash, refusing to share the wealth. If that were the case, surely the shutdown would have sent a clear message: there was no fortune to be had, just a dream struggling to stay afloat.

But why did it all come crashing down? The truth is, I was grappling with a whirlwind of personal upheaval. My mind was still reeling from an unforgettable UFO sighting—an experience that shattered my perception of reality and left me questioning everything. On top of that, I’d recently undergone a QHHT (Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique) session that blew my mind even further. And I walked away with something else too—an unsettling sense of purpose and paranoia.

I started to wonder: was working on porn-related projects like Holodex a mistake? Did I have some greater role, a mission even, to share the message of ZetaTalk with a wider audience? It felt like the universe was pointing me in a new direction, challenging me to rethink my path.

Chapter 42 - The Colleague Who Wouldn’t Read

Sharing my confessional story felt like exposing my soul to the world—a risky but necessary endeavour. I handed copies to colleagues, some of whom I trusted, others I simply wanted to see the person behind the pages. Most responded warmly, offering kind words or thoughtful critiques. But there was one who stood out, not for what he said, but for what he didn’t.

I’ll call him Greg. Greg was younger and louder, always acting like he ran the place despite a decade less experience. If I suggested blue, he’d shout red from the rooftops. If I worked late, he’d show up early, making sure everyone noticed.

When I handed him a copy of my book, his reaction was immediate and dismissive. He gave the cover a cursory glance and said, “You didn’t mention me in here, did you?”

I was caught off guard. “No, Greg, it’s not about you. It’s about my life and the things I’ve been through.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ll give it a read when you decide to write something more… inclusive,” he said with a smirk, tossing the book onto his desk like it was a piece of junk mail.

Chapter 41 - Full Circle

The encounter in the park reignited a part of me that had been dormant for years—a desire to connect with the mysteries of the universe and share them with the world. In many ways, it felt like life was guiding me back to the passions of my childhood, but this time with the tools, experiences, and wisdom I’d accumulated over the years.

One of the most profound ways this manifested was through my collaboration with Nancy Lieder, the mind behind ZetaTalk. Nancy had always been a source of inspiration to me, her work aligning perfectly with my own fascination with extraterrestrial life. Her teachings about the universe, humanity’s place within it, and the role of extraterrestrial beings deeply resonated with me. So, when the opportunity arose to work with her, it felt like destiny.

Together, we created The Moon, a newspaper dedicated to ZetaTalk and its insights. It wasn’t just a project—it was a labor of love, a way to channel my lifelong interest in aliens and the unknown into something tangible.

Chapter 40 - The Encounter

After returning to London, life felt like a blur of responsibilities, projects, and rebuilding. But on June 7th, 2014, everything changed. That day, in a quiet park, I had a life-changing experience that forever altered how I viewed the world and my place in it.

It started as an ordinary day, nothing particularly remarkable about the weather or my mood. I’d gone to the park to clear my head, as I often did when life felt overwhelming. The open sky, the distant hum of city life, the laughter of strangers—it was grounding. Little did I know, this serene setting would soon become the backdrop for something extraordinary.

It began subtly, almost imperceptibly at first—a strange glimmer in the sky. I thought it might have been sunlight catching on a plane or a bird. But as I focused, I realised it wasn’t just one object; there were many.

Over 50 UFOs.

Chapter 39 - After my QHHT Session

I'm not sure I can put into words how magical it was. At the start of the session, I remember lying there with a quiet skepticism, wondering if this was all in my head. It felt awkward at first, like trying to force a conversation with someone you’ve just met. I questioned everything—Was this real? Was I just imagining things? But about ten minutes in, something shifted.

I felt myself drift further and further, like falling into the softest, most reassuring dream. Suddenly, it wasn’t just me lying there anymore. It was as though I’d tapped into a source so vast and so profound, I could barely comprehend it. It felt like God—or something infinitely wise—was speaking directly through me, using my voice but not my mind. It was as if ChatGPT-level intelligence had come to life inside me, giving me answers to questions.

Chapter 38 - Meeting Dolores

By 2014, life had felt like a whirlwind—moments of triumph mixed with setbacks that seemed almost impossible to navigate. And yet, on my birthday that year, I stumbled upon something that would profoundly impact my life: a woman named Dolores Cannon.

I’ll admit it—I’ve always had a knack for finding wisdom in unexpected places, especially from extraordinary older women. Dolores wasn’t just a curiosity—she was a revelation. Her work in Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT) opened a door to a world I hadn’t considered before, but that felt strangely familiar.

Dolores’s sessions weren’t about typical therapy or even conventional healing. They delved into the subconscious mind and explored the mysteries of past lives and the soul’s journey. The more I read about her methods, the more I knew I had to try it. It felt like she was speaking directly to a part of me that had always been searching for something deeper—a connection to the universe, a purpose, a plan.

Chapter 37 - Volgograd

The morning of December 29th in Volgograd began like any other: the hum of early commuters, the rhythmic clatter of trains, and the crisp chill of winter in the air. My wife and I had planned to head to the railway station to buy our return tickets. It was supposed to be a simple errand. But true to form, I couldn’t peel myself off the mattress.

She had nudged me awake several times, frustration mounting with each attempt. "We need to go," she insisted, her tone a mix of urgency and exasperation.

"Five more minutes," I mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around me. Morning had never been my forte, and this was no exception.

Her glare was palpable, but she eventually gave up and sat by the window, arms crossed, waiting for me to stir. By the time I finally dragged myself out of bed, laziness had turned into procrastination. We decided we’d go later—what was the rush, anyway?

And that decision, as inconsequential as it seemed at the time, saved our lives.

Chapter 36 - Vic

She wasn’t just a friend—she was the first person who ever believed in Holodex. It started with a modest investment and a few early ideas, but even then, it felt like I had something real in my hands—something I was pushing toward with every bit of my energy. But as the project grew, so did the distance between me and the people I had once considered close.

Vic and I had been practically inseparable at one point. We shared countless nights, laughter, and ideas. We’d dreamed about the future together, imagining what could be. So when she made the decision to invest, no matter how small, it felt like validation. It felt like she believed in me. But then, everything started to change.

Chapter 35 - The Eskimo Years

Life doesn’t always unfold in the way we plan. After returning to the UK, broke and defeated, I found myself in an unexpected and challenging role that would ultimately play a pivotal part in rebuilding my career. I became an Eskimo. It was a digital agency with a quirky name that aged badly.

Not the traditional kind, of course—this was a job title that spoke to the responsibilities I took on. As an Eskimo, I managed not just one, but multiple major projects simultaneously. In a way, I had to juggle the complexity of running two distinct ticketing platforms, a role I’d secured against all odds.

To say it wasn’t easy would be an understatement. Managing two ticketing platforms was no small feat. These platforms weren’t just your average ticketing systems—they were large-scale, bustling hubs that required constant attention. They were complex, filled with thousands of transactions, customer inquiries, and constant updates. If anything went wrong, the entire system could implode in a second. The pressure was immense.

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