Chapter 35 - The Eskimo Years

Life doesn’t always unfold in the way we plan. After returning to the UK, broke and defeated, I found myself in an unexpected and challenging role that would ultimately play a pivotal part in rebuilding my career. I became an Eskimo. It was a digital agency with a quirky name that aged badly.

Not the traditional kind, of course—this was a job title that spoke to the responsibilities I took on. As an Eskimo, I managed not just one, but multiple major projects simultaneously. In a way, I had to juggle the complexity of running two distinct ticketing platforms, a role I’d secured against all odds.

To say it wasn’t easy would be an understatement. Managing two ticketing platforms was no small feat. These platforms weren’t just your average ticketing systems—they were large-scale, bustling hubs that required constant attention. They were complex, filled with thousands of transactions, customer inquiries, and constant updates. If anything went wrong, the entire system could implode in a second. The pressure was immense.

And then there was The Darkness. On top of the ticketing work, I was responsible for maintaining their entire online presence. From updates on their website to creating digital content, I was the go-to person for all things web-related. I had to stay on top of everything, balancing deadlines, creatives, and technical demands.

In hindsight, looking after all these projects simultaneously felt like a high-stakes game. But at the time, it was simply survival. I had no choice but to push through, managing to keep everything afloat while dealing with the mental and emotional toll of my situation. The expectations were high, the workload was relentless, but it taught me invaluable skills in multitasking, problem-solving, and working under pressure.

What people didn’t know—especially potential future employers—was how much I was carrying. Managing all of this and trying to keep the dream of Holodex alive was a balancing act that required every ounce of my energy and focus. No one could see the strain behind the scenes, but I was making it work. I was proving to myself that I could do the impossible.

And through all of this, I began to see how much the web, digital experiences, and community management all fit together. Working with The Darkness in particular gave me a front-row seat to what it meant to build a brand and maintain a community. Their fanbase wasn’t just passive consumers—they were active participants. That kind of engagement was exactly what Holodex needed.

While no one would have believed the level of responsibility I was carrying at the time, I knew deep down that this job was more than just about survival. It was about taking what I’d learned and applying it to something bigger—the vision I had for Holodex. Every project I managed, every late-night troubleshooting session, was preparing me for the bigger challenges ahead.

One minute, I was VJing for Kylie, and the next, I was grappling with the bizarre paradox of being "too capable" for most jobs. It’s a strange place to find yourself—skilled enough to do anything but somehow too versatile to fit into any one box.

Take design, for instance. I’ve got 20 years of design experience under my belt, but I’m not technically a designer because I never followed the conventional path. Then there’s development. I’m not a developer anymore, apparently, even though I was once fluent in Flash, back when it was the gold standard for creativity in tech. And then Steve Jobs took a big shit on it.

It’s frustrating, to say the least. I’ve spent years honing skills in areas most people struggle to break into, only to find those very skills working against me in a world that thrives on labels. You’re either this or that—specialised, streamlined, and neatly defined. But what if you’re all of it? What if you’re adaptable, inventive, and able to wear multiple hats?

The problem is, versatility doesn’t fit neatly into job descriptions. You become the jack-of-all-trades they can’t quite categorise, the wildcard who intimidates more than inspires. And so, despite all the talent and experience, you find yourself swimming against the tide, trying to convince people that being "too capable" isn’t a bad thing—it’s a gift.

That’s what made moments like VJing for Kylie so bittersweet. It was proof of what I could do, a shining example of my skills in action. But it also highlighted the struggle of getting the world to see me as more than just a collection of overlapping abilities. I wasn’t incapable—I was too capable, and somehow, that was the problem.

Speaking of the bizarre, I have to share the story of the time I applied to work as a designer for Bizarre magazine, the infamous alternative lifestyle publication that I absolutely adored. It was everything I loved—edgy, creative, unapologetically out there. Naturally, I couldn’t just send a boring CV or portfolio; I had to make my application stand out.

So, I decided to do it my way.

I created an entire fake issue of Bizarre. The concept, the design, the articles—it was all crafted to mimic their tone and aesthetic. Every page was a love letter to the magazine and a showcase of what I could bring to the table.

I sent it off with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. A few weeks later, I received a response from their designer at the time. To my surprise and delight, it was a genuinely kind and complimentary reply. They praised my creativity and bold approach, which meant the world to me.

Ultimately, I didn’t get the job. Maybe I didn’t have the level of technical skill they were looking for at the time, or perhaps the timing just wasn’t right. Still, I was proud of how I’d approached it.

Looking back, it wasn’t just about applying for a job; it was about celebrating something I was passionate about and proving to myself that I could take risks and follow through with them. It’s one of those moments where, even in “failure,” I found a sense of accomplishment that stayed with me.


 

Dave Monk

  • Nationality: Welsh
  • Ethnicity: Caucasian
  • Eye Colour: Blue
  • Hair Colour: Brown
  • Tattoos: None
  • Star Sign: Aries
  • Bra Cup Size: n/a
  • Date of Birth: 46 ( 05 th Apr 1979 )
  • Weight: 60 kg

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Chapter 10 - Menage: A Story of Love, Loss, and Chosen Family

Growing up in a ménage à trois wasn’t just some outlandish experience; it was the foundation of my worldview. I didn’t see it as unusual. It was my norm, my reality. My mother’s love was abundant and multi-faceted, and her partners were as much a part of our family as anyone. There was no jealousy, no animosity, no hidden resentments. Just an open space of care and understanding. To me, it seemed like the perfect kind of family.

But when my non-biological father, the one who was the more traditional figure in my life, asked her to make a choice, it was like watching the house of cards fall. And when she chose him, it was a kind of heartbreaking affirmation that the world outside didn’t understand, or maybe even accept, the way we had lived.

I was 17 at the time—old enough to understand the emotional gravity of the situation but still young enough to feel betrayed by the change. In a way, my mom’s decision represented the same pull the world outside had over me: the world was dictating what was acceptable, and now I had to learn how to adjust to that.

Chapter 9 - Luck child

When I was young, someone once called me a “luck child.” I didn’t understand it at the time, and to be honest, I’m not sure I still fully do. It was one of those phrases that just stuck with me, like a little puzzle that I couldn’t quite solve. I often wondered if it was a compliment or something else entirely, but I couldn’t shake it.

As I grew older, the phrase kept circling in my mind, a strange kind of whisper that never quite faded. There were times when I felt like the universe had it out for me, but then there were these odd moments—random moments—where everything just fell into place. It wasn’t like I was living a charmed life or anything. There were struggles, plenty of them. But even in the midst of hardship, I seemed to find myself in situations that felt... well, a little too perfect.

Chapter 8 - A Sick Nod from the Universe

Music has always been the soundtrack to my life. From the moment I first pressed play on a cassette player, it was like opening a door to a whole new dimension. Growing up, Nirvana was the band for me—a raw, unapologetic voice that spoke to the angsty teenager I was. So, when my parents surprised me with tickets to see Nirvana on their upcoming April 12th show in Cardiff, I was ecstatic. I remember jumping around the room, disbelief and excitement colliding in a way only a teenager can feel.

But then, life, in its cruel and ironic way, decided to intervene. On my birthday—just days before the concert—I woke up to the news that Kurt Cobain took his own life. The tickets, once a symbol of my teenage dreams, became a bitter reminder of his tragic end. What were the odds? My birthday wasn’t just ruined; it felt tainted.

I chalked it up to an eerie coincidence. Until it happened again.

Chapter 7 - A Nightmare at Brynteg Avenue

At the time, Duke Nukem 3D was the game, a chaotic, over-the-top playground of action and humour. But for me, playing wasn’t enough—I wanted to create.

One day, the idea struck me: what if I turned my school into a map for Duke Nukem? I’ll admit, it was a bold and slightly mischievous idea, but the thought of navigating those familiar halls with explosions and alien mayhem was too tempting to pass up.

So, I set to work. Piece by piece, I painstakingly recreated the corridors, classrooms, and assembly halls of Brynteg Avenue with every detail I could remember. It wasn’t just a map—it was an immersive experience, a twisted reimagining of school life that turned ordinary routines into an action-packed nightmare. Hence, A Nightmare at Brynteg Avenue was born.

Chapter 6 - Hostile Hits the Halls

Before I knew it, Hostile Magazine was more than just a personal project. It became something bigger—a product. I started distributing copies around school, and before long, it wasn’t just my classmates reading it. I managed to sell advertising space to local businesses, earning a bit of cash in the process.

Looking back, it might have been my most lucrative venture to date, especially considering how naturally it all came together. I wasn’t just creating anymore—I was running a business, even if I didn’t fully realise it at the time.

One of my proudest moments was designing full-colour posters to promote the magazine. They featured a bold image of a gun and some edgy, provocative slogan. At the time, I thought it was clever—half-witty, half-menacing, exactly the kind of provocation Hostile was built on. But in hindsight, it felt careless.

Chapter 5 - Hostile Beginnings

By the time I was 15, everything changed—I had a computer. No more typewriters or scavenging old magazines for pictures. With a keyboard and the infinite possibilities of digital design at my fingertips, I was unstoppable.

That’s when I founded Hostile Magazine. The name wasn’t just a catchy title—it was a declaration of who I was at the time. I was hostile to the world around me, to the endless doubt and disbelief I’d faced growing up. Most of all, I was still furious that no one seemed to believe in aliens yet.

Hostile was my rebellion. It wasn’t just about aliens, though they made frequent appearances in my articles and artwork. It was a place where I could channel my anger, my creativity, and my growing discontent with a world that felt so small-minded.

Chapter 4 - God Mode Philosophy

When I was 15, I discovered something that would blow my creative obsession wide open: Quake. It wasn’t just a game; it was a canvas for chaos, and I had a paintbrush made of code.

I started messing around with the game, diving into its files and hacking it to bits. Before long, I’d customised everything—the characters, the levels, even the dialogue. My friends and I turned death matches into full-blown comedy routines, battling against avatars we’d created to represent ourselves, complete with all our ridiculous trademark sayings.

Imagine a grim, post-apocalyptic battlefield echoing with smack talk like, “Oi, pass me the ketchup!” or “You’re going down faster than last night’s curry!” It was absolutely hilarious. Every frag was met with roaring laughter, not just because someone lost but because the game would scream out some absurd catchphrase we’d forgotten we’d even programmed.

Chapter 3 - Beyond Addicted

I was hooked. The day after The Brackla Tattler launched, I decided I couldn’t stop there. Why wait for a competition when I could make my own newspaper? I got straight to work, fuelled by the rush of creating something from nothing.

This time, the front-page story was even bigger—or at least, it felt that way to me: “Riot at Strangeways Prison!” I was 11 years old, covering prison riots like a seasoned journalist.

Back then, I didn’t even have a computer. I was using my mum’s old typewriter for the text—each clack of the keys a declaration of my ambition. For the visuals, I raided stacks of old magazines, cutting out pictures and headlines to make elaborate collages. My bedroom floor became a sea of scraps, glue sticks, and ink-stained fingers.

I was beyond addicted. There was something magical about piecing it all together, watching a blank page transform into a story people could hold, read, and react to. The process consumed me in the best way.

Chapter 2 - Breaking News

By the time I was 11, I was part of a global competition to create a school newspaper. And thus, The Brackla Tattler was born—a journalistic masterpiece (or so we thought) with a name that suggested the kind of scandal and intrigue we were determined to uncover.

The inaugural issue had a front-page story so wild it could’ve been straight out of a crime thriller. The headline? “Body Parts Found in Bags Across City!”

It was gruesome, sensational, and absolutely perfect for the tone we were going for—true crime meets small-town gossip. I still remember writing it, trying to balance shock value with just enough professionalism to impress the judges.

Even though we were just kids with big dreams and bigger imaginations, that story gave The Brackla Tattler its identity. We weren’t afraid to tackle the dark stuff, even if we barely understood it ourselves.

Chapter 1 - The Alien Among Us

When I first woke up, I was in Bridgend, South Wales—a quiet, unassuming place where nothing out of the ordinary seemed to happen. But even as a kid, I was obsessed with two things: aliens and making magazines.

The alien obsession stemmed from my first truly traumatising memory. I was walking home from school one day with a friend, chatting about whatever kids chat about, when they casually dropped a bombshell: "Aliens are already on Earth, hiding in human bodies."

I swear on my life, I saw one shortly after that. I can still picture it—something inhuman beneath a very human façade. My stomach turned, my heart raced, and from that moment, the world didn’t feel safe anymore. I was terrified.

For months, I couldn’t sleep. Every shadow was suspicious, every sound proof of some otherworldly presence. But when I tried to tell people, nobody believed me. My classmates thought I was crazy. The more I insisted, the harder they laughed. Even my parents decided it was all in my head.

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